WOMAN’S POEM
Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man, who’s not a creep,
One who’s handsome, smart and strong.
One who loves to listen long,
One who thinks before he speaks,
One who’ll call, not wait for weeks.
I pray he’s gainfully employed,
When I spend his cash, won’t be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
Massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh! Send me a man who’ll make love to my mind,
Knows what to answer to “how big is my behind?”
I pray that this man will love me to no end,
And always be my very best friend.
(Lily Tomlin)
“Opzij” is a feminist magazine. For an extended period of time it used a yardstick for measuring the emancipation of famous men; do they contribute a fair share in housekeeping, do they spend as much time at the kids as the mother does, do they factually provide women equal chances in the workplace etc. I’m not famous and never been interviewed by one of their journalists, but I’m afraid I wouldn’t have passed the test. Yet I do sympathize with feminism. I do understand women on the subject of gender equality. And I do have the sense of guilt. Because, well, like John Lennon said and sang, we men have done them wrong:
However I hope, I guess, I think something has changed since ‘72. Not enough though. Even in 2010 women on average do earn less than men do for the same job. Women still are a small minority at the top of enterprises, universities or public administration. Let alone amongst the religious leadership. But as imperfect the situation is here, as a matter of fact this article triggered me. It is called “Indonesian women in their own words”. It’s kind of a sketchy state of the union regarding the position of women.Reading the article
- I nodded with indignation when one of the interviewed women said that though officially men and women are equal under Indonesian law, over 140 bylaws are discriminitary against women
- I felt very sorry when an other one concluded that women still are lagging way behind men if it comes to access to and participation in centers of power
- I experienced a wave of sympathy when a third interviewee told that at the cost of free choice women are under severe social pressure to marry and have a family in their late twenties and earlie thirties
- I wondered how it could be possible in 2010 when one of the ladies stated that especially in parts of Indonesia like Aceh, women by shere ignorance or at least by being ill informed, endorse male oppression
- and I was really disappointed when I read there still is hardly any room for publicly living the deviant lifestyle of a lesbian.
In spite of the still existing inequality I guess the empowered girls and women of the growing middle classes will win the battle. The eight young women who were interviewed for this article are proof of that. And they have to. If only for the interest of Indonesian society at large this huge human potential should be used. Men should emancipate and further equal opportunities and equal rights to women.
To understand and agree with that is the easy part. I am an amateur supporter of feminism who is glad each time he meets or read a self-confident , ambitious, independent women. Their struggle to achieve a society with gender equality is just a matter of plain justice.
It is much more difficult to understand the female psyche. I, well we, often don’t understand them. Man and woman living together usually are a guarantee for a festival of misunderstandings. For instance: even after fifty years my own wife still amazes and puzzles me. Women are wonderful. But they are an enigmatic miracle to me too. To most men, I think. To Mars Venus is enigmatic. It is part of the fun of course. But I sometimes ponder on some of the mysteries the opposite sex offers.
For instance:
* It’s no secret men on average are about 17% physically stronger. The real secret is why life expectancy of the weaker sex is considerably higher. Why is that? Do they know – and don’t tell us- where to find life elixer?
* Men have 10% bigger brains. Also a well established fact. So why don’t we outwit them? Generally speaking women are no less intelligent and usually are significantly smarter. So I suspect them of knowing a trick they hide. Anyhow they use their intellect in a much more efficient way.
* People have a row sometimes. In that case men tend to curse. And they even may get violent. But most of the time they have a cordial drink soon afterwards. Catfights are different. Less or no violence, but the nagging can´t be stopped easily. Is that because the switch off is missing in the female system? Though I extensively explored the surface of one of those systems I couldn’t find one to stop whining.
* Life is a vale of tears now and then. Most of us at some stage of life feel blue and depressed. For men it often is an excuse to neglect personal hygiene and start drinking. In the end they smell and look the way they feel. There is no salvation anymore. Sensible women – most women are sensible- in similar conditions do avoid these pitfalls. They turn to shopping. To more shopping. That’s expensive and irresponsible behavior perhaps. But it also is improving one’s appearances. In that way they cure themselves without even having seen a shrink. Do they have a lucky gene to love clothes and shoes better than football?
* Men seem to be more prone to some ASD ( autism spectrum disorders) and less inclined to romance. Women in my perception cherish romance. That may be why they occasionally seem to think that by a gift and charm a guy shows long term affection. Actually it probably is short term interest only. But women can be lured by their heart and what it want to believe. It may explain why some girls keep falling for same wrong kind of men for the same wrong reasons – they are too romantic.
Having this kind of questions is worrying at my age. They probably also show why I would have failed the “Opzij test” of emancipation. Though there is some consolation in the fact even Sigmund Freud at the end of a lifetime studying the psychology of women, asked “Was will das Weib?” (What does the Female want?). That’s poor comfort however. My time is running out. So I really have to hurry if I would want to really understand them.
Or let’s advocate feminism and accept the fact women will stay a desirable engima to me.
